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Ahmedeus
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PostSubject: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:23 pm

Clean, dirty, racist, one-liners...anything goes.

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AarO)))n
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:30 pm

A women goes to her gynecologist. She tells him that she is getting married to a guy who thinks she is a virgin but she has been around the block a few times. She asks him if there is any way she could give him the impression that he popped her cherry. The doctor say "Heres what you do the night of the wedding. Take a rubber band and put it at the top of your thigh, and when he sticks it in the first time, snap the rubber band and yell that he popped your cherry."

Sounds good to her, so she gets the rubber band on the night of their wedding. Her husband takes off her clothes, lays her on the bed, and just as he sticks it in she snaps the rubber band and screams, "Oh yea, you popped my cherry!!!!" HE SAYS, "WELL WE BETTER POP IT AGAIN, IT'S GOT A HOLD OF ONE OF MY BALLS!!!!!!!"
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AarO)))n
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:30 pm

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?

WELL HUNG!
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:30 pm

What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?

MAYONNAISE DOESN'T HIT THE BACK OF A GIRL'S THROAT AT THIRY MILES AN HOUR
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:31 pm

What's the difference between spit and swallow?

ABOUT 40 POUNDS OF PRESSURE ON THE BACK OF A GIRL'S HEAD
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:31 pm

A child molester is walking down the street with a young child, heading for the woods. The little boy says, "I'm afraid. I's dark, and I'm really scared." The child molester gives the little boy a disgusted look and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone."
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:31 pm

A woman goes to her gynecologist. She is there to ask some questions about the male anatomy. She say, "Well, my boyfriend what to have sex but I have never had sex and have a few question about his genitals." The doctor says, "No problem. Go right a head and ask."

She says, "What is the mushroom looking thing at the end?"
The Doctor replies, "That is the head of the penis. It is where sperm and urine come out. It is the most sensitive part during sex."
She asks, "What is the long part?"
The doctor says, "That is the shaft of the penis. It contains the blood vessels that fill with blood when the penis is erect."
Then she asks, "What are those round hairy things about 12 inches from the head of the penis?"

The doctor replies, "WELL, I CAN'T SPEACK FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND, BUT FOR ME THEY'RE THE CHEEKS OF MY ASS.
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:33 pm

What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

DEPENDS!
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AarO)))n
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:33 pm

A man goes to whore house. When he arrives the Madam asks what he is looking for.

He replies, "I was married to my wife for 50 years and she has died." "All our lives we only had sex in one position, missionary." "So I was hoping I could try something new."

The Madam say, "No problem." she yells, "Cassie, take him upstairs and give him the old 69!"

The old man is very excited.

Cassie takes him to the bedroom. She takes of all her clothes and then does the same to the old man. He lays down and she gets on top in the 69 position. Not even 1 minute into it she rips the smelliest fart right in his face. The old man get up and starts putting his clothes back on. She says, "Where are you going?"

The old man reply's, "I DON"T KNOW IF I CAN TAKE 68 MORE OF THOSE."
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AarO)))n
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:33 pm

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?


NOT BEING RETARDED? XD
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:34 pm

What is black and cum's in little white cans?


Michael Jackson
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:34 pm

A kids says, "Pop, what's a vagina look like?"

His father says,"Son, before sex a vagina looks like a rose with pink velvety petals and the aroma of perfume."

The kid says,"What about after sex?"

His father says""HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BULLDOG EATING MAYONNAISE?"
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:34 pm

2 women are at the vet. the first says "My cat claws up everything in the house so I'm getting him declawed."

The second says "Every time I bend over, my dog jumps on my back and humps away."

The first lady says, "Oh, so you're here to get him fixed?"

She replies, "NO I'M HERE TO GET HIM DECLAWED TOO."
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Adothorr
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:35 pm

AarO)))n wrote:
A kids says, "Pop, what's a vagina look like?"

His father says,"Son, before sex a vagina looks like a rose with pink velvety petals and the aroma of perfume."

The kid says,"What about after sex?"

His father says""HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BULLDOG EATING MAYONNAISE?"
lol! lol! lol!
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Mantooth901
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PostSubject: Arj Barker   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:37 pm

Everybody in this forum MUST check the comedian Arj Barker out. Just look up his name on Youtube and just about all his vids are hilarious
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AarO)))n
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:38 pm

Mantooth901 wrote:
Everybody in this forum MUST check the comedian Arj Barker out. Just look up his name on Youtube and just about all his vids are hilarious

You should check out Mitch Hedberg if you have not already.
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:39 pm

what's black and white and red all over?

no, it's not a newspaper you idiot
it's Aaron's badgerpeniscopter after being clubbed to death

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Ahmedeus
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:39 pm

A guy walks into a Heavy Metal guitar convention, picks up a guitar and begins to play. He plays so beautifully that before he has finished the song, he has attracted a crowd of onlookers.

"What is that strange tuning?!" he is asked.

"EADGBE" he replies.
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Nautilus
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:40 pm

Lol Aaron the way you caps-lock the punchline is pure gold.
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Adothorr
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:41 pm

AarO)))n wrote:
Mantooth901 wrote:
Everybody in this forum MUST check the comedian Arj Barker out. Just look up his name on Youtube and just about all his vids are hilarious

You should check out Mitch Hedberg if you have not already.
YES!!! Mitch Hedberg is my favorite comedian.
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:47 pm

Adothorr wrote:
AarO)))n wrote:
Mantooth901 wrote:
Everybody in this forum MUST check the comedian Arj Barker out. Just look up his name on Youtube and just about all his vids are hilarious

You should check out Mitch Hedberg if you have not already.
YES!!! Mitch Hedberg is my favorite comedian.

After George Carlin, he is one of mine also. The quote in my signature is from his last album.
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Adothorr
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:48 pm

AarO)))n wrote:
Adothorr wrote:
AarO)))n wrote:
Mantooth901 wrote:
Everybody in this forum MUST check the comedian Arj Barker out. Just look up his name on Youtube and just about all his vids are hilarious

You should check out Mitch Hedberg if you have not already.
YES!!! Mitch Hedberg is my favorite comedian.

After George Carlin, he is one of mine also. The quote in my signature is from his last album.
I noticed that earlier hahah
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Ahmedeus
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:49 pm

Q: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

A: A drummer.
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:49 pm

Nautilus wrote:
Lol Aaron the way you caps-lock the punchline is pure gold.


That is the same thing Gideon said when i originally posted them in MH. I was unware the cap's meant yelling then.
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:49 pm

Ahmedeus wrote:
Q: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

A: A drummer.


What do you call a cunt on a stool?


A drummer.
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