Yeah, so I figured I'd make a new one.

you all know my blog can be found here.

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Sabina Gadecki Knowing this was going to happen, I brought in david lee into sckool. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So i hERd u liev in FoRiSt hillz" "David Lee? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE David Lee." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck David lee, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you did liev in FoRiSt hillz') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have David lee right here, and..."
Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in him hitting me across the face with david lee's flaming dick , he grabbed him. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently fucking his ass. Not to get between a man and his sex oragy with david lee I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a naked crazy guy with a big dick fucking david lee.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming in a really fucking sexy way because once they saw him they where raped all of them at the same time (like a Yaoi for example). I coolly walked into a restroom with a giant ass boner and was cumming all over the bathroom, pretending nothing had ever happened because my boner was gone and not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved because then he'll rape me. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him and they where all really fucking horny and everyone was jacking off after being raped because they can't fucking help it. He was still fucking all of them and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNFFH EEEEEEEEEEINNNFFH' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girl who i used to fuck but is now of one of the girlfriends for one of the Ice skaters tried to get him to stop, but he also raped her again for trying to take him away. Someone called in a few of the Ice skaters (all dressed up like ryan seacrest) who tried to pummel the shit out of the guy for touching his girlfriends breast and raping her again along with raping david lee again. he just raped all of them with his giant testicles (once again like a yaoi). Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting into the situation because they where so fucking horny they couldn't move due to being raped and jacking off so fucking hard and there dick being so numb that there where are falling off.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown the numb flaming dick of david lee into the library and after that he was liek DAMN WHAT THE FUCK WAS DAT SHIT YO. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on after being raped. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in because dat bitch haz gatta be a babys datay. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA FUCKIN' SUE YOU AND CUT YOUR DICK OFF AND RAPE YOU HARDER THAN LANCE ARMSTRONG AND RYAN SEACREST " and then my dick was cut off and i was rapped harder than lance armstrong and ryan seacrest but i was still liek THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID BITCH.
I asked satan jesus and xenu later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot,starting a fight, raping everyone he fucking saw with his giant dicks all over the fucking place and mainly because that's what she fucking said . So what i'm trying to say is
So I hERd Liev in FoRiSt hillz?

SlayerMaiden666 wrote:

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Sabina Gadecki Knowing this was going to happen, I brought in david lee into sckool. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So i hERd u liev in FoRiSt hillz" "David Lee? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE David Lee." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck David lee, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you did liev in FoRiSt hillz') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have David lee right here, and..."
Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in him hitting me across the face with david lee's flaming dick , he grabbed him. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently fucking his ass. Not to get between a man and his sex oragy with david lee I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a naked crazy guy with a big dick fucking david lee.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming in a really fucking sexy way because once they saw him they where raped all of them at the same time (like a Yaoi for example). I coolly walked into a restroom with a giant ass boner and was cumming all over the bathroom, pretending nothing had ever happened because my boner was gone and not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved because then he'll rape me. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him and they where all really fucking horny and everyone was jacking off after being raped because they can't fucking help it. He was still fucking all of them and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNFFH EEEEEEEEEEINNNFFH' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girl who i used to fuck but is now of one of the girlfriends for one of the Ice skaters tried to get him to stop, but he also raped her again for trying to take him away. Someone called in a few of the Ice skaters (all dressed up like ryan seacrest) who tried to pummel the shit out of the guy for touching his girlfriends breast and raping her again along with raping david lee again. he just raped all of them with his giant testicles (once again like a yaoi). Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting into the situation because they where so fucking horny they couldn't move due to being raped and jacking off so fucking hard and there dick being so numb that there where are falling off.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown the numb flaming dick of david lee into the library and after that he was liek DAMN WHAT THE FUCK WAS DAT SHIT YO. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on after being raped. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in because dat bitch haz gatta be a babys datay. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA FUCKIN' SUE YOU AND CUT YOUR DICK OFF AND RAPE YOU HARDER THAN LANCE ARMSTRONG AND RYAN SEACREST " and then my dick was cut off and i was rapped harder than lance armstrong and ryan seacrest but i was still liek THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID BITCH.
I asked satan jesus and xenu later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot,starting a fight, raping everyone he fucking saw with his giant dicks all over the fucking place and mainly because that's what she fucking said . So what i'm trying to say is
So I hERd Liev in FoRiSt hillz?

...

Adothorr wrote:

...

I have a story that'll cheer you up. It's called The Ugly Barnacle:

Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, that everyone died. The End.

bleghman wrote:

Adothorr wrote:

...

I have a story that'll cheer you up. It's called The Ugly Barnacle:

Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, that everyone died. The End.

Lawl Spongebob

bleghman wrote:

Adothorr wrote:

...

I have a story that'll cheer you up. It's called The Ugly Barnacle:

Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, that everyone died. The End.

:sunny:

Adothorr wrote:

SlayerMaiden666 wrote:

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Sabina Gadecki Knowing this was going to happen, I brought in david lee into sckool. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So i hERd u liev in FoRiSt hillz" "David Lee? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE David Lee." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck David lee, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you did liev in FoRiSt hillz') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have David lee right here, and..."
Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in him hitting me across the face with david lee's flaming dick , he grabbed him. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently fucking his ass. Not to get between a man and his sex oragy with david lee I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a naked crazy guy with a big dick fucking david lee.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming in a really fucking sexy way because once they saw him they where raped all of them at the same time (like a Yaoi for example). I coolly walked into a restroom with a giant ass boner and was cumming all over the bathroom, pretending nothing had ever happened because my boner was gone and not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved because then he'll rape me. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him and they where all really fucking horny and everyone was jacking off after being raped because they can't fucking help it. He was still fucking all of them and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNFFH EEEEEEEEEEINNNFFH' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girl who i used to fuck but is now of one of the girlfriends for one of the Ice skaters tried to get him to stop, but he also raped her again for trying to take him away. Someone called in a few of the Ice skaters (all dressed up like ryan seacrest) who tried to pummel the shit out of the guy for touching his girlfriends breast and raping her again along with raping david lee again. he just raped all of them with his giant testicles (once again like a yaoi). Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting into the situation because they where so fucking horny they couldn't move due to being raped and jacking off so fucking hard and there dick being so numb that there where are falling off.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown the numb flaming dick of david lee into the library and after that he was liek DAMN WHAT THE FUCK WAS DAT SHIT YO. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on after being raped. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in because dat bitch haz gatta be a babys datay. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA FUCKIN' SUE YOU AND CUT YOUR DICK OFF AND RAPE YOU HARDER THAN LANCE ARMSTRONG AND RYAN SEACREST " and then my dick was cut off and i was rapped harder than lance armstrong and ryan seacrest but i was still liek THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID BITCH.
I asked satan jesus and xenu later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot,starting a fight, raping everyone he fucking saw with his giant dicks all over the fucking place and mainly because that's what she fucking said . So what i'm trying to say is
So I hERd Liev in FoRiSt hillz?

...

what I thought It was funny

SlayerMaiden666 wrote:

Adothorr wrote:

SlayerMaiden666 wrote:

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Sabina Gadecki Knowing this was going to happen, I brought in david lee into sckool. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So i hERd u liev in FoRiSt hillz" "David Lee? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE David Lee." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck David lee, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you did liev in FoRiSt hillz') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have David lee right here, and..."
Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in him hitting me across the face with david lee's flaming dick , he grabbed him. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently fucking his ass. Not to get between a man and his sex oragy with david lee I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a naked crazy guy with a big dick fucking david lee.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming in a really fucking sexy way because once they saw him they where raped all of them at the same time (like a Yaoi for example). I coolly walked into a restroom with a giant ass boner and was cumming all over the bathroom, pretending nothing had ever happened because my boner was gone and not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved because then he'll rape me. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him and they where all really fucking horny and everyone was jacking off after being raped because they can't fucking help it. He was still fucking all of them and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNFFH EEEEEEEEEEINNNFFH' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girl who i used to fuck but is now of one of the girlfriends for one of the Ice skaters tried to get him to stop, but he also raped her again for trying to take him away. Someone called in a few of the Ice skaters (all dressed up like ryan seacrest) who tried to pummel the shit out of the guy for touching his girlfriends breast and raping her again along with raping david lee again. he just raped all of them with his giant testicles (once again like a yaoi). Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting into the situation because they where so fucking horny they couldn't move due to being raped and jacking off so fucking hard and there dick being so numb that there where are falling off.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown the numb flaming dick of david lee into the library and after that he was liek DAMN WHAT THE FUCK WAS DAT SHIT YO. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on after being raped. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in because dat bitch haz gatta be a babys datay. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA FUCKIN' SUE YOU AND CUT YOUR DICK OFF AND RAPE YOU HARDER THAN LANCE ARMSTRONG AND RYAN SEACREST " and then my dick was cut off and i was rapped harder than lance armstrong and ryan seacrest but i was still liek THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID BITCH.
I asked satan jesus and xenu later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot,starting a fight, raping everyone he fucking saw with his giant dicks all over the fucking place and mainly because that's what she fucking said . So what i'm trying to say is
So I hERd Liev in FoRiSt hillz?

...

what I thought It was funny

It was funny when I first read the original "i here u liek mudkipz" version.

Adothorr wrote:

SlayerMaiden666 wrote:

Adothorr wrote:

SlayerMaiden666 wrote:

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Sabina Gadecki Knowing this was going to happen, I brought in david lee into sckool. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So i hERd u liev in FoRiSt hillz" "David Lee? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE David Lee." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck David lee, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you did liev in FoRiSt hillz') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have David lee right here, and..."
Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in him hitting me across the face with david lee's flaming dick , he grabbed him. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently fucking his ass. Not to get between a man and his sex oragy with david lee I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a naked crazy guy with a big dick fucking david lee.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming in a really fucking sexy way because once they saw him they where raped all of them at the same time (like a Yaoi for example). I coolly walked into a restroom with a giant ass boner and was cumming all over the bathroom, pretending nothing had ever happened because my boner was gone and not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved because then he'll rape me. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him and they where all really fucking horny and everyone was jacking off after being raped because they can't fucking help it. He was still fucking all of them and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNFFH EEEEEEEEEEINNNFFH' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girl who i used to fuck but is now of one of the girlfriends for one of the Ice skaters tried to get him to stop, but he also raped her again for trying to take him away. Someone called in a few of the Ice skaters (all dressed up like ryan seacrest) who tried to pummel the shit out of the guy for touching his girlfriends breast and raping her again along with raping david lee again. he just raped all of them with his giant testicles (once again like a yaoi). Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting into the situation because they where so fucking horny they couldn't move due to being raped and jacking off so fucking hard and there dick being so numb that there where are falling off.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown the numb flaming dick of david lee into the library and after that he was liek DAMN WHAT THE FUCK WAS DAT SHIT YO. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on after being raped. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in because dat bitch haz gatta be a babys datay. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA FUCKIN' SUE YOU AND CUT YOUR DICK OFF AND RAPE YOU HARDER THAN LANCE ARMSTRONG AND RYAN SEACREST " and then my dick was cut off and i was rapped harder than lance armstrong and ryan seacrest but i was still liek THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID BITCH.
I asked satan jesus and xenu later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot,starting a fight, raping everyone he fucking saw with his giant dicks all over the fucking place and mainly because that's what she fucking said . So what i'm trying to say is
So I hERd Liev in FoRiSt hillz?

...

what I thought It was funny

It was funny when I first read the original "i here u liek mudkipz" version.

so then I literally raped the story?


AWESOME!!!!!!!!

I wrote a story for my english class that i thought was interesting and wanted to share with Lifer. The assignment was to take a traditional story and tell it from a different perspective. I chose to write about a crooked cop from the point of view of his gun. Tell me what you guys think. Note- For best reading experiance, read with brooklyn accent.

“8:47”
6:00 AM- “Come on Chief, why do we have to leave the house so early. Too little rest can damage a handgun!” I wish I could just scream that right into this guy’s ear. Unfortunately, I can’t, because I’m just a poor, useless handgun. I have no mouth, or any means of communication, so I’m trapped inside of my own thoughts where my only abilities are to contemplate and criticize everything this crooked officer does all day, every day. I criticize this dump he calls a house, the way he treats his wife and kids, and the car that would be insanely nice if he just kept it clean. I don’t even know why Officer Stephan Bacon carries me around anymore. Whenever he needs a gun, he uses something bigger and more effective than me anyway. I guess it’s ok though, because I’m the only gun he always has with him. That’s loyalty. Alright, well it’s time to go on patrol, so we’re out of here.
7:18 AM- Me and Officer Scumbag just arrived at the station. On most days, he would just have someone else sign in for him and he’d go out on patrol, but today was special for some reason. He went into the main meeting area and took a seat next to all of the other pigs. It’s depressing, but I look around and see men whose policies are more crooked than Officer Bacon- Grease, which just shows what kind of shape this city’s in. He just sat down and the seat’s cutting off my view of what’s happening, so I guess I can just nap until it’s over.
7:40 AM- I feel a quick jolt and I know the briefing is over. The big guy carrying me seems really mad about something, so I wish I had stayed awake through that briefing. And I just noticed something. Why isn’t my safety on anymore? What’s this guy going to do? I’m honestly afraid. If he kills somebody with me, do I get in trouble also? I don’t want to be re-assigned. No matter how horrible this guy is, I feel a weird connection to him. He’s like the enemy who everyone needs so they can retain their sanity. If I lose him, I might also lose my enemy, and my only friend.
7:46 AM- Finally, it’s time to go on patrol. This is my favorite part of the day because every day Officer Porker raises the bar of how crazy he can be without getting fired. Last week, he walked into a movie theatre, pulled me out of the holster and made the guy at the concession stand give him a free bag of popcorn. When the pimply kid behind the counter said no, he hit the kid in the face with me. The poor kid fell to the ground crying. When he got up, the tears were pouring down his face and with a solemn look of humiliation, he gave the winner of the worst officer ever award his popcorn. I am honestly afraid of what he’s going to do today, but I know it’s not going to be any nicer than what he did last week.
12:28 PM- After a long day avoiding crime, it’s finally time for the big man to take a lunch break. This is his favorite part of the day and the only part when he’s actually doing what he’s supposed to do, eat. Today, the noble officer brought us into somewhere new. The sign says, Convenience Store, and the place looks disgusting. He walks up to the counter and orders a hot dog. He puts a drink and a Snickers bar on the counter and waits for the woman to tell him how much he owes. When she tells him he owes $3.60, he once again does something so horrible I can barely describe it. He tears me out of his holster with a force so strong, I honestly thought I was going to snap in half. He shoved me into the clerk’s mouth and I felt at least three of her teeth break, but it might have been more. He started screaming at her about getting the food for free and how he was only going to give her a warning this time. He said next it should be ready when he walks in or the trigger will get pulled. As Officer McCrazy walked out of the store, I looked back at the sweet innocent girl. I noticed a teardrop fall from her eye. The water caused her make- up to streak and her eyes showed a fear so great that I knew that she wouldn’t sleep for a long time without being awakened by terrible nightmares.
7:06 PM- After another long day of doing nothing right and everything wrong, me and the big pig finally go back to the pig sty he calls a home. We walk into the door to find his wife trying to play with their four year old daughter while holding their eight month old son in her arms. His wife is a picture of abuse. Her entire face is covered with bruises and she can barely maintain a steady walk without limping anymore. She’s covered in scars and can barely open her left eye because of the swelling. The noble king of the castle walks to his chair and takes off his standard issue police jacket, leaving me and the baton fully exposed. When his once lovely wife sees the baton, she cringes in terror, remembering the horrors inflicted upon her by the death stick.
7:32 PM- This man is a monster! For the last twenty minutes he’s been screaming at his wife about dinner while waving his baton in the air trying to intimidate her. She’s only human, but this animal expects her to take care of the kids, keep the house clean, and cook his meals while he sits around getting drunk. In the last ten minutes, he’s drank three shots of whisky, and it doesn’t look like he has any intention of taking a break to help his wife. I’ve never seen him drunk, but if his sober personality is any indication, things are going to get rough around here very quickly.
8:02 PM- Houston, we have a problem. The electricity just went out and the Great king Stephan Bacon still doesn’t have his dinner. Now he’s drunk, it’s dark, and he’s getting angry. In a moment that any thinking creature could recognize as the calm before the storm, he gently asked his wife to put the children in their beds. He explained that if the children were sleeping they would be less likely to be afraid. I can only describe what his eyes were showing as the expression of man who would more likely kill a man than look at him. I like to think his wife saw his eyes also, but I don’t think I’ll ever know for certain.
8:37 PM- After telling the children stories and putting them in their beds, Mrs. Bacon came back down the stairs. In the time it took her to tuck the children in, the noble master of his domain finished half of his bottle, and was at this point completely inebriated. The moment her foot touched the final step, the big man jumped out of his seat in a way I thought would be impossible for a man his size. He swerved angrily toward her, lunging at her with the eyes of a drunken madman staring directly at her. He picked her up and threw her to the ground in the kitchen. He started screaming about how he had no food while beating her with the abuse stick he called a baton.
8:45 PM- After two minutes of a beating more intense than any she’d ever received, Mrs. Bacon finally had enough. She pulled a dirty butcher knife off of the counter and aimed it directly at his throat. I could tell this angered him, and I knew he was about to do something horrible
8:47 PM- OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! This madman pulled me out of the holster and now has me pressed directly against her forehead. I wish I could stop this lunatic, but unfortunately I can’t. I’m just a poor, useless handgun. I have no mouth, or any means of communication, so I’m trapped inside of my own thoughts where my only abilities are to contemplate and criticize everything this horrible man does all day, every day. If he kills somebody with me, do I get in trouble also? I don’t want to go…

I had a cheese sandwich. It was delish.

/story