News article for a high school newspaper about Them Crooked Vultures (the supergroup with Dave Grohl, JPJ, and Josh Homme if you haven't already heard) obviously. This is what I got so far. I just need some sense of closure to this. Any suggestions? Any other advice about what I already have is good too.



Journey. Asia. Audioslave. Velvet Revolver. Chickenfoot. What do all these bands have in common? They’re all supergroups of course. Rock supergroups aren’t new. However, this summer a new one formed: Them Crooked Vultures. This new band features Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) on drums, John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin) on bass, and Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) on guitar and lead vocals. With previous experience playing with other bands and working on side-projects, these musicians should have no problem working together to produce their first album Never Deserved the Future, which is expected to be released in late October.

On August 1, the band created a website and also created pages on Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube. Them Crooked Vultures made their first public appearance on August 9 at the Metro in Chicago. Ten days later, they made their way across the Atlantic to start a small European tour in Amsterdam. On that same say, the band also uploaded a video of recording their song “Nobody Loves Me and Neither Do I” in the studio. Since then, live footage of the band, taken by fans, appeared all over the internet, the band announced a North American tour starting in October and another European tour in December, and two more videos were posted by the band: one with a clip of their song “Elephants” and another of “Scumbag Blues.”

The one thing I have a problem with is that I now know who is in the band and what they've done as far as videos and tours...but what the hell does the band sound like?

Telling me that the band has webpages and mp3s and videos posted is great, but it shouldn't be the bulk of the article. This should be mentioned quickly at the end of the article.

Tell me what this band sounds like. Describe them. Make me want to google these videos and mp3s and such.

am I allowed to post new drafts of my article if it's in the same thread?

bleghman wrote:

am I allowed to post new drafts of my article if it's in the same thread?

Yeah, it makes more sense than making a new thread for an update.

sweet, I'll post the second draft when I finish it...well no shit
anyway, I still have no clue how to end this thing

bleghman wrote:

sweet, I'll post the second draft when I finish it...well no shit
anyway, I still have no clue how to end this thing

The second paragraph could probably be cut and then used as a closer, add something about their current plans or thoughts on how excited you are about their emergence. "And with an inevitable tour on the cards, this is one artist that is shaping up to be unmissable," or something. Then between the two paragraphs you already have should be the 'body,' describing the instrumentation and how well it all fits together. Is there "supergroup syndrome," evident from the clashing of ideology and inflated ego's for example.

Rosalind wrote:

bleghman wrote:

sweet, I'll post the second draft when I finish it...well no shit
anyway, I still have no clue how to end this thing

The second paragraph could probably be cut and then used as a closer, add something about their current plans or thoughts on how excited you are about their emergence. "And with an inevitable tour on the cards, this is one artist that is shaping up to be unmissable," or something. Then between the two paragraphs you already have should be the 'body,' describing the instrumentation and how well it all fits together. Is there "supergroup syndrome," evident from the clashing of ideology and inflated ego's for example.

Exactly. Some super groups just tend to be super names...and nothing special musically. Describe everything. Does it work or doesn't it?

Rosalind wrote:

The second paragraph could probably be cut and then used as a closer, add something about their current plans or thoughts on how excited you are about their emergence. "And with an inevitable tour on the cards, this is one artist that is shaping up to be unmissable," or something. Then between the two paragraphs you already have should be the 'body,' describing the instrumentation and how well it all fits together. Is there "supergroup syndrome," evident from the clashing of ideology and inflated ego's for example.

I'm trying to make it more of an announcement than a review (like the ones you see on Blabbermouth all the time about Band X releasing Album Y)

and the structure I'm working with is this:
intro <--1st paragraph I posted
what they've done so far <--2nd paragraph I posted
what they sound like (very basic though, since they haven't released any official material yet) <-- 3rd paragraph, which I'm working on this
closing <-- I'm probably gonna go with the upcoming tour and "don't forget about this band" comment

I'd still switch the second and third paragraph - closing on their sound will likely feel a bit odd in the flow of the piece.

bleghman wrote:

Rosalind wrote:

The second paragraph could probably be cut and then used as a closer, add something about their current plans or thoughts on how excited you are about their emergence. "And with an inevitable tour on the cards, this is one artist that is shaping up to be unmissable," or something. Then between the two paragraphs you already have should be the 'body,' describing the instrumentation and how well it all fits together. Is there "supergroup syndrome," evident from the clashing of ideology and inflated ego's for example.

I'm trying to make it more of an announcement than a review (like the ones you see on Blabbermouth all the time about Band X releasing Album Y)

and the structure I'm working with is this:
intro <--1st paragraph I posted
what they've done so far <--2nd paragraph I posted
what they sound like (very basic though, since they haven't released any official material yet) <-- 3rd paragraph, which I'm working on this
closing <-- I'm probably gonna go with the upcoming tour and "don't forget about this band" comment

Regardless, what they sound like should come before news of videos and mp3s.

You need to think as a reader when you write. You need to grab a reader and give them a reason to finish your article. Also, you want the most important and interesting stuff first. What they sound like and how creative they are is much more important than how many videos and such they've done. I mean, think about it. If all you knew about a band was a name, the people in it and the fact that they've put out a couple videos and such, would you bother looking into what they sound like right away?

Grab the reader with something good...make them want to look into this band. Blabbermouth posts, although very informative of things like record releases and recordings and such, are rather boring reads. Sure, they give me some info, but as a read they're rather boring.

Quick question...have you ever learned about writing from the top down or the inverted pyramid?

LegionOvDoom wrote:

Quick question...have you ever learned about writing from the top down or the inverted pyramid?

since I have no clue what that is, no

and now I understand your logic as far as the organization goes
I'm gonna switch the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs and I'll find some way to transition from the intro to the 2nd paragraph

bleghman wrote:

LegionOvDoom wrote:

Quick question...have you ever learned about writing from the top down or the inverted pyramid?

since I have no clue what that is, no

and now I understand your logic as far as the organization goes
I'm gonna switch the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs and I'll find some way to transition from the intro to the 2nd paragraph

Writing from the top down, or the inverted pyramid, is basically how ALL journalism is written. It gives the reader the most important details first and gives the least important info at the end. The complete opposite of how fiction is written. It grabs the reader and feeds them the things they need to know first, since most people who read journalism decide whether or not they're going to read an entire article within the first paragraph.

You need to grab them in the first graph and get them hooked. Make them want to read the entire article.

bleghman wrote:

LegionOvDoom wrote:

Quick question...have you ever learned about writing from the top down or the inverted pyramid?

since I have no clue what that is, no

and now I understand your logic as far as the organization goes
I'm gonna switch the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs and I'll find some way to transition from the intro to the 2nd paragraph

This may help too:
How to Write High School News Articles
http://www.ehow.com/how_4530932_write-high-school-news-articles.html